I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. PG Wodehouse. I Am Shuvo Saha. Are you looking for some funny jokes? They expect to succeed! Mini Golf Captions. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Required fields are marked *. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. A dinner without wine. Achieve more with each and every round you play. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Because it would interrupt their tea time. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. So, what are your thoughts? Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? In case he gets a hole in one. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Lift your head and spread your legs. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. I like to go low. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Because her coach was a pumpkin. ~ Sijin Bt. P.G. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Dont even putt. Learn More. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Big pupils lead to big scores. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. If you break 80, watch your business.". Many golfing terms sound naughty. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? 4. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. 1. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Golf Quotes About Life 22. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. After 18 holes I can barely walk. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. I give him the driver. Golf is the easiest game in the world. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! course sometime. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. The fourth putt! When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. You look like someone who likes to swing. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Everyday I'm Schauffele. Your email address will not be published. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. I like big putts and I cannot lie. You must remember not to remember to think. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. A hole in one of a kind model. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. It can be difficult. 8. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Golf?! 5. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. 5. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. putt." Knock, knock Choose Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. The end. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Just in case they get a slice! I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? They have a hard drive. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Id cry too if I played golf like you. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. He was puttering around. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. A fan in the crowd said Mr. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Andy. Any birdie will do. And that thought is: Dont think. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. 4. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? -Happy Gilmore. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Bruce Lansky, Author. Damn, girl. Their fore-fathers! Just ask my ex -wives. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. I like big putts and I cannot lie. I'm pretty good with my short putts. 3. 3. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. I . Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. You hit down to make the ball go up. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Your fifth putt. "Golf is my profession. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. And there are windmills. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? There is no such thing as a natural touch. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? 3 / 10. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. How the heck did that happen? My three keys to success: One, work hard. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. I never prayed that I would make a putt. I chipped in from the rough! clubs. The means are as important as the ends. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. It was glorious when you did! Tahiti who? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. It bends a little to the left. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? About 160 yards was his reply. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. "If you break 100, watch your golf. All through the night they made wild love together. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. - Bobby Jones What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. He said. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Nuts! What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? -Bob Hope A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. . Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. no! Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Clubbing. 22. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Hit the ball. On the Green In Two. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. 7. Twelfth son of the Lama. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Another Ball in the Trees. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. I'm Tiger Woods. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Golfing? Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Do you know what the Lama says? What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. 2. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". 1. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Missed the ball and sank the divot. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Golf is more complicated than that. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. had to choose, right ? 8. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 1. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Whos there? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Find the ball. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?.